Movie Review: The Dead Pit

The Dead Pit is an interesting flick. It never pretends to be classy or sophisticated and it's not a gorefest thrill ride. So what is it? A relatively obscure and mediocre horror film from the late 1980's, a time when the genre of horror was sputtering, looking for any kind of idea to kickstart the scene that was now home to icons such as Leatherface, Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhies. Of course, that whole "looking for an idea" thing led to quite a lot of terrible movies. The Dead Pit is sorta/kinda/maybe one of them but it's towards the top of the heap. You gotta give it up to Code Red DVD for releasing The Dead Pit for the first time on DVD.

The film opens inside of a mental hospital. We see a crazy guy dressed as a doctor (or a crazy doctor dressed as a... doctor). Then we see a second doctor who appears to be nervous, so this must be our "Good Guy Doctor." He goes to the basement and discovers a huge pit of dead people.... Wait a minute, I get it!! THE DEAD PIT! Anyway the two doctors argue over whether it's cooler to be a bastard or a wuss. The wuss wins because he has a gun and likes to use it by putting bullets into people's foreheads. The bad doctor dies and we see the good doctor sealing up the "room of doom." Yes, I just made that up.

Fast forward and we see that the good doctor, now identified as Dr. Swan, is head of the mental institution. A woman named 'Jane Doe' has just arrived with no recollection of her past or how she got there. While inside the hospital, Jane meets Christian, a veteran with a penchant for blowing stuff up. During her stay, Jane is haunted by terrible nightmares and the "now-you-see-him, now-you-don't" appearances of that evil doctor from the beginning of the film. How is Jane connected to this doctor? Is Christian REALLY crazy? Will the dead bodies in the DEAD PIT ever wake up and wreak havoc towards the end of the movie? Well, yeah.

This was directed by Brett Leonard and I have to give him props on using the scenery to create a mood. This is a very dark, eerie hospital that is juxtaposed well with the acting and the few (but decent) gore/FX work scenes. The basis for this story is that Jane Doe is searching for her connection to Dr. Ramzi, the evil zombie doctor. When the truth is revealed, it feels a little lackluster. That's ok though because the residents of the dead pit come alive and it's all kinds of zombie fun. The acting is above decent but not "OMG~!" worthy. I think every one involved truly did a good job with an interesting storyline and it's good to see this kind of thing available to the masses now. I'm giving this 3 BANGS FOR YOUR BUCKS for a couple of reasons. One, it's a decent way to pass the time. Two, Code Red DVD deserves a hard high five for bringing out all these movies that no one else would. Three, zombies are cool and so are evil doctors.

If you're going to buy this flick, I suggest you head over to your nearest Best Buy. They have a limited run of 2-Disc Special Editions while all other retailers merely carry the 1-Disc version.

Big Red Rocket Of Love

I went to church on a Wednesday. Spiritually I was feeling a little empty and I needed some reassurance about the way I was living my life. The congregation began with two guys and two girls, the way any service should begin, and they went by the collective name of Nashville Pussy. Forty-five minutes of southern roadkill stompin' and hard rock blastin' helped put my mind at ease but I still had to cleanse my heart and my soul. Eddie Spaghetti and the rest of the Supersuckers (self-proclaimed "Greatest Rock & Roll Band In The World") were able to open my heart to a higher plain. A plain where only grunge rock and sing-along choruses can co-exist with the grimy underbelly of the South's dirtiest excesses. But how was I to cure my ailing soul? Luckily enough, the congregation was taken over by the one and only Reverend Horton Heat. Switching between looks of intense concentration while picking at his guitar and smiling at the raucous fans, the Rev was in full effect and didn't plan to let any one go home unhealed. He told us of stories past ("Rock This Joint," "King Of The Road") and he told us of stories that were unexpected ("In Bloom," "Paranoid"). He expressed how it felt to see bales of cocaine falling from low flying planes. He informed us that he had a wiggle stick and, if our eyes would let him, he wanted to show us a big red rocket of love. Two hours of embrace with his soulful message and I am a new man.

Hallelujah!

WHL Announces Exhibition Schedule

Hockey may have ended a month ago but in two months, the Spokane Chiefs will be back in action. Three teams are hosting tournaments and one of them will be Everett. This oughta be good. Check the schedule:

WHL EXHIBITION SCHEDULE (as of June 25, 2008)

Friday Aug. 29 - Spokane vs. Everett [Everett Tournament]

Saturday Aug. 30 - Spokane vs. Portland [Everett Tournament]

Sunday Aug. 31 - Tri-City vs. Spokane [Everett Tournament]

Thursday Sept. 4 - Everett vs. Spokane [Tri-City Tournament]

Saturday Sept. 6 - Spokane vs. Tri-City [Tri-City Tournament]

Friday Sept. 12 - Kelowna @ Spokane [Eagles Ice Arena]

Saturday Sept. 13 - Spokane @ Kelowna

Three Chiefs Get Drafted

Well, the NHL Entry Draft was this past weekend and three of our Chiefs got drafted. Two of them weren't a surprise but one sort of was. For those who aren't in the know... The Spokane Chiefs are a junior hockey team that play in the WHL (Western Hockey League). This season, the Chiefs won the Western Conference Championship before winning the WHL Championship in a pretty quick series against the Lethbridge Hurricanes. A lot of people thought Spokane had a solid team but figured someone else (i.e. our main rivals, the Tri-City Americans) would advance to the Memorial Cup. Well, after a grueling seven-game series, we beat them. It was a great feeling of accomplishment and after we beat Lethbridge, it felt like everything was paying off. The Memorial Cup is junior hockey's greatest glory, akin to the NHL's Stanley Cup or the Super Bowl trophy in the NFL. By winning the WHL title, the Spokane Chiefs earned a berth into the Round Robin Tournament against the Gatineau Olympiques, the Belleville Bulls and the host (not to mention "favored to win") team, the Kitchener Rangers. Guess what? We went 4-0 and won the Memorial Cup. Sure, the trophy collapsed in team captain Chris Bruton's hands after the game but who cares?? WE WON. We proved to every one that not only did we have a solid team, we had the best team. It was official. To quote Kevin Garnett, we had become certified.

The first player to get drafted was #14, Mitch Wahl. He was picked 48th overall in the second round and it was sort of obvious why. Wahl had a fantastic season with 20 goals, 53 assists and 73 points. If you want to compare him to a basketball player, I'd say Steve Nash. A common name in the game but not for the shots he gets... It's for the shots he GENERATES. All season long we got to watch Mitch get scoring chances but most of the time, he'd dish a sweet pass to a team mate who would in turn get a goal. Who got him? The Calgary Flames.

Another eligible player that was either expected to go high in the draft or go low (depending on the idiocy of the scout/critic) was goalie Dustin Tokarski. #34 had quite a season. He was the MVP of the Memorial Cup Tournament, named to the Memorial Cup All-Star Team, had 53 saves in the championship game, led all WHL goalies in the playoffs with .944 save percentage, tied for first with the best save percentage in the regular season (.922) and the list could literally go on for miles. I figured he'd be snagged in the first three rounds and I figured... Well, wrong. Drafted #122 overall and the first pick of the 5th round, Tokarski is going to play for the Tampa Bay Lightning which isn't as bad as you might think. They also got the best player in the draft, Steven Stamkos, at #1 overall.

The biggest surprise of the weekend was the drafting of #18 Jared Spurgeon. He had a solid year with 12 goals and 31 assists but I didn't expect him to get picked. I'm glad he did. Spurgeon was selected in the sixth round (#156 overall) by the New York Islanders. Two other Chiefs who were up for the draft but didn't get selected were defenseman Mike Reddington & center Tyler Johnson. Reddington was a fairly reliable guy but also made a lot of mistakes. Johnson, a Spokane native and therefore "hometown hero," had a very good season but I'm assuming he was looked over because of his size. It's a shame because Johnson is one of the fastest dudes in the WHL.

Go Chiefs Go!

Movie Review: The Orphanage

Going into this movie, I knew a couple of things: Guillermo del Toro likes it a lot and put his name on the film. del Toro has done some fantastic stuff (Devil's Backbone, Hellboy, Pan's Labyrinth) and he's done some pretty neat stuff (Cronos, Hellboy) so that had me a little excited. Another thing I knew was that a lot of people enjoyed this flick. When I say "a lot of people," I'm not referring to a dude that just got done repairing the axel on his Camaro. I'm also not talking about the girl who just finished a major purchase at Linens & Things. No, I'm talking about a certain circle of people that watch movies just like this because they know it's going to be better than watching Fool's Gold with electrodes attached to your nipples. Some call them "nerds," but because I feel like I'm part of this circle, I'll call us "semi-nerds."

Back to the movie at hand, though. I'm going to give you a statement and then try to back it up through this review: THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST HORROR MOVIES I HAVE WATCHED IN THE PAST FIVE YEARS, IF NOT MY ENTIRE LIFE.

We start with a few children playing a game at an (gasp!) ORPHANAGE. Fast forward years later and we're introduced to Laura, Carlos and their son Simon. All three have a very loving bond, especially Laura and her son, and it seems that life is good. Well, life IS good until an old lady shows up at their doorstep. She claims to be a social worker and wants to discuss Simon. Turns out Simon is adopted. Also turns out Simon has HIV. Yikes. The social worker irks Laura so she sends her packing. Later in the night, Laura is woken up by sounds out in the old wood shed. She decides to poke around before finding (gasp!) the social worker hiding out with a shovel in her hand! She runs off and before you can say "call the cops even though they won't solve anything because in the movies, cops never amount to a hill of beans but you need more supplemental characters," the cops are called and all is good. Well, until a boy shows up at a party wearing a bag over his head and Simon vanishes into thin air...

I could spoil the entire movie for you but take my word for it, this movie is fantastic. It excels at being creepy, atmospheric, lightly funny, touching, tragic, suspenseful... You name a feeling in this movie, it nails it. Juan Antonio Bayona (by the way, FIRST TIME DIRECTOR) has a way with his films. He drags you in and won't let you out. I wouldn't be surprised if this guy makes an award-winning picture soon, he's that good. The actors are all fantastic, especially Belen Rueda as the loving mother who can't rest until her son is found. Solid script, fantastic locations, bold colors... I loved it, that's all there is to say.

I recommend this for people who want to scare the crap out of someone else or for people who need a great supernatural film in their lives. I give it 4 BANGS FOR YOUR BUCKS. Also as an aside, this is a Spanish film so you will have to read subtitles. If you're a "semi-nerd," this shouldn't be an issue. If you're not... Well, sorry.

Movie Review: P2

Before I get knee deep in this review (or any other movie reviews for that matter), I need to explain something. There will probably be a lot of "spoilers" in this. I don't anticipate you reading this to help you decide whether or not to watch it but rather reading this as an enhancement after you've made your decision.


Is there a lot to be said about a movie wherein a woman is trapped in a parking garage on Christmas Eve? More precisely, is there enough to be said to fill almost two hours of film? Well, yeah. Not all of it is awesome though. Poor Angela. Seems she got stuck with three tons of paperwork for Christmas Eve while every one else gets to party and leave early. We're introduced to a girl who tells Angela she'll stay late to get the work done... Psssh. No matter, she leaves and we are never to see her again. Then we're introduced to Mr. Harper, Angela's boss who likes to grope on breasts when he's drunk. Before ya know it, Angela is down on her parking level (P2!!!!) and swearing to her friends she'll make the Christmas Party. Not so fast, Angela... We have a lot of movie left.

We're introduced finally to Thomas, a seemingly well-intentioned security guard who offers to help Angela. Oh, I forgot... Her car wouldn't start. That doesn't work so well so he lets her into the lobby where she calls a cab. Oh, wouldn't you know it? The front doors are locked and the night watchman is missing. I wonder where he could be....? He most certainly wouldn't be killed by our kindly Thomas and ditched on top of an elevator, could he? The cab arrives but gets impatient, drives off and that's sort of what happens with Thomas too. He drugs Angela, dresses her up and makes a Christmas meal (consisting of turkey and mashed potatoes) for the two of them. Angela manages to get free, lots of violence happens, yadda yadda yadda... Oh, I almost forgot, Thomas has a rottweiler named Rocky.

I can tell you right off the bat whether you're going to like this, hate this or find it middle of the line. It all depends on what kind of movies you like. If you've seen The Hills Have Eyes remake (directed by Alexandre Aja) and watched this soon after (produced by Alexandre Aja), you may get a kick out of the violent scenes. If you're a big fan of Smallville and Gossip Girl, you'll probably think Thomas is mad hot even if he's got a screw loose. If you watch a lot of grindhouse/exploitation/horror movies (like me), you'll feel a little empty inside. That's not to say I didn't like it... It was decent. I just didn't feel the WOW! factor that the director was going for. We have a couple of cool deaths including Angela's pervert boss who gets squashed like a bug (literally) between a car and a wall. The aforementioned nightwatchman shows up dead in the elevator. Angela kills Thomas' dog in a very gruesome scene that might have some animal lovers twitching. The violence, though, can't save this movie.

Wes Bentley does a good job as Thomas, a guy who no matter how violent or insane he gets, never forgets his manners. He promises never to hurt Angela, even when she jabs a knife in his eye and gets ready to douse him in flames. Angela is played by Rachel Nichols and she did a decent enough job for me. She felt like another female in another "female-in-peril" role to me and didn't stand out much but she was sufficient.

For movie reviews, I'm doing a "BANGS FOR YOUR BUCKS" scale. It's from 1 to 5.

P2 gets 2 BANGS FOR YOUR BUCKS for failing to completely entertain but leave me somewhat satisfied on a sleepy Saturday evening.

Nine Best New Thrash Albums

I've been getting into a lot of "new" thrash bands lately, bands that are taking the thrash genre and running with it like it's 1987. Some people call these bands ironic but I don't. Look at a band like Avenged Sevenfold. Dudes dress like they're spending Halloween in Las Vegas but they move a ton of units. It doesn't matter what you look like; It's who you are and what you're doing. These are not listed in order of personal importance because they are all excellent. Also I realize some of these bands have been around a long time, some have barely even released their first album. That's why I am calling this the best new thrash ALBUMS and not the best new thrash BANDS.

Welcome, Hipcheckers & Headbangers!

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that I probably have a MySpace account so why clutter the blog-o-sphere with yet another meaningless website dedicated to raves, rants, beligerent put downs and so fourth? Well, I got two words for ya: FREE COUNTRY.

I plan to discuss the three things that fill my life at the moment. Music, movies & hockey. Since hockey season recently ended, I suppose I'll spend my time delving into the other two categories. What kinds, though?

Movies: Horror, exploitation, cult classics, cult-not-so-classics, whatever else I decide to peek at.

Music: I believe I put "headbang" in the blog title for a reason. I'll review/comment on whatever I'm listening to at the moment, so that you (the enviable reader) can decide for yourselves.

The summer is beginning and we're doing the same. Hope you like it.